So, here’s the thing. Can I be real with you for a minute? Like, really real? I’ve been single my entire life. All twenty-four glorious years of it. Some people, when they hear that, feel like they need to apologize or say something to make me feel better. “Well, it’s just not God’s timing right now.” “You’ve not met the right man.” “Men are just intimidated by you.” “I really don’t understand how you’ve stayed single…” Yeah, honey, well, neither do I. You see, I have a lot of awesome things to offer. Here are a few: I’m 24 and have my M.S. in Experimental Psychology. I teach at a university. My IQ is two standard deviations above the mean (not that I believe that means anything– don’t get me started on standardized testing). I’m hilarious. I take care of myself financially, physically, and spiritually. I feel like my life is moving in an INCREDIBLE direction, and TBH, I’ve never been happier.
But have I always felt this comfortable on my own? No. Do I feel like that 100% of the time? Absolutely not. Just ask my best friend. I called her to vent a couple of days before I wrote this. But let me just impart to you the wisdom that has gotten me through the times where I start to feel like I’m the only single person left on this God-forsaken planet, stuck at the pity party I’ve thrown myself.
I will wait for no man. None. Nope. When I say “I won’t wait,” what I mean is I’m not sitting around, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for a man to come along and validate me. I know all of the things that make me unapologetically me, and I’m totally cool with them (85% of the time). I also mean that I’m not waiting around to “start my life.” I feel confident in the direction my life is going, because God’s hand is so apparent in my life. I’m not going to let the fact that I’m facing my life “alone” stop me. I’m too stubborn for that nonsense.
I deserve better, and that’s okay. My whole life, I had accepted that all of the men I knew deserved better than what I had to offer. I was too overweight and neurotic. For someone to choose to be with me, they’d have to really be settling. They must really be desperate. I had accepted that as gospel, up until recently. Recently, I realized I’m not “too” anything. The things that comprise who I am as a human being do not make me less than or unlovable. The journey to get to this place of self-acceptance and self-love was a long one. One peppered with bouts of depression and professional counseling. But, I made it through. And now, for the first time in my life, I’ve realized…I deserve better.
I deserve better than to be treated like I’m less than because of the way I look. I deserve better than to be strung along by someone who is going to continually make me feel like garbage. I deserve better than the man who doesn’t know who he is or what he wants. I deserve better than the man who’s trying to fill the void with unhealthy relationships because he’s scared of a real one. I deserve better than to be someone’s “friend with emotional benefits.” I deserve better than to invest emotionally into a relationship that makes me so stressed I feel sick. I deserve better than to spend time with someone who makes me question my self-worth.
And so do you.
So, the only thing I’m waiting for? The person who acknowledges right away that I am unapologetically me and is man enough to handle it. Until then? I’m not sticking around.